I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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