Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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