I am full of burrito and curiosity
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
