you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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