Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
