did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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