No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
