mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
