I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
