The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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