Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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