the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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