just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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