i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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