I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
