I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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