It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
