i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
