there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
