OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
