so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
