remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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