cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
