non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
