Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
