he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Couch. On fire.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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