Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So much Jack, so little girl.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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