i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
