its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
