Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
