im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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