just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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