Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
