I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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