The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
