I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
