I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
