woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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