you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Can I color on your dick again?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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