i love accidental penises.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
