You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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