Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
