Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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