he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
