So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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