I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
