yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
