Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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