the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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