Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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