i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
