You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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