we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
