things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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